the past week i have been spending all my free time (the hours between midnight and 8) working on this wind up music box idea; magnets and springs.
its so mesmerizing to play with them, meditation and muse all those things that
sound cheezy when talking about the creative process but are so real.
if i find myself constantly thinking and doodling about building something i know
that im lost in the project. its fleeting.
so many projects just visit me for a few days then get left in a heap in the past,
there is a sense of urgency about grabbing the obsession and desperately trying to see
it to completion. it fills me with fear and dread that i will fail, it
will be just another pile of stuff in my way, representing of a kind of sad sentiment and self judgement:
"damnit john, you never finish the idea!" "why is all this crap in your workspace?" "gawd john, what were you thinking??"
here i am agian, instead of going out and seeing people or working on something
i know i can finish, i am lost in something that is just ever so slightly out of reach.
now, time writing might better be spent listing off things i actually accomplished. like my friend lisa who went back and collected writing and published projects and compiled them into one site, i might feel better about this process.
however, its fascinating watching myself; discovering that im right dab in the middle
again of this frantic/desperate race with time over something that most people wouldn't
have any reason for doing. i don't want to be in the position of calling my self
misunderstood: for that matter i am resistant to even call this a
"creative process" or by all means refer to this as (gasp) "art"
yikes.
it's way too personal and embodies all of my reason for living, when im in the
middle of the project to belittle it by calling it "art" is so off .not to be mellow-dramatic. hee hee but:
its like time spent playing with the almighty, the mystery, the begining of all time
and my end. im not aware of anything else
~~
since this is like a diary i think ill get to a list of accomplishments soon just
to look at it all however here is what im doing now:
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